ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
