So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
