they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
