brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
