So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
