How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
