Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
