Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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