Who did Billy Mays play for?
Did I show you my penis last night?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
