I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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