He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
