I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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