Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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