So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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