He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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