Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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