I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
