I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
