this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
