just come out here and I will go home with you...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
