He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
