YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Randomize
