I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
