Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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