are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
