Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
