Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
