Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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