there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're like the curious george of whores
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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