Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
