her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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