we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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