I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
