I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
