she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
