At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
