I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
