I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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