Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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