maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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