So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize