3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
