Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
