PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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