What a fucking waste of an outfit
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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