I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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