You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dick very happy bro
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
