no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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