Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
