onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
