bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
