he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
