I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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