remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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