His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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