Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
