Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
