haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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