i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
