I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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