My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.