you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
