the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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