He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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