You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
