insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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