someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
