Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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