Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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