i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
