So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
