I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
