Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
